Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
