ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
