well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
