my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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