sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
