I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
