Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There r osticjed everywhere
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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