I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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