Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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