sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
