when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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