What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize