Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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