I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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