u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
