i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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