That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
