Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
