Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
