Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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