What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
