my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize