she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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