Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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