I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
