Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
