There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
