no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
