Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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