i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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