Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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