i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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