god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
