This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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