is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
