sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
