Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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