a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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