I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
