I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
