Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Of course I have a pirate flag
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
