I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
