Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
