I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
