I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
