A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
