he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
