how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
