if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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