Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
