Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
