What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
