I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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