There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
