it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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