he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
