so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
