I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
