What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
