we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize