genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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