dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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