You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
