i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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