I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
