I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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