that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
