A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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