tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
