I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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