well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm really busy with my period
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