Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
