ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
