just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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