The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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