i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
