There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
