Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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