Kareoke will never be a sober sport
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
