he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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